8 Wedding Traditions You Can Skip, and a Few You Might Want to Add

Friends, this is your wedding, not a historical reenactment.


If you’re a couple planning your day and wondering, “Are we bad people if we don’t cut a cake in front of everyone?” or “Can we skip the bouquet toss without offending Grandma?” I see you, and I’m here to say: yes, you can.

These traditions are 100% optional:

1. The Bouquet and Garter Toss

Wrestling over flowers and flashing grandma with a lacy thigh accessory? Hard pass. I must say most couples are opting out of at least the garter toss—and not a single guest misses it (nor do I)!

2. The White Dress

Wear whatever makes you feel like a million bucks. Vibrant color-dipped silk? Rainbow tulle? A tailored suit with Doc Martens? A jumpsuit with pockets?! All yes.

3. cutting the cake

You don’t need to smear frosting on each other to prove you’re married. You don’t even need a cake! Serve ice-cream sandwiches, donuts, churros, mini pies—or skip the dessert theatrics entirely. Cheese wheel, anyone…?

4. The first dance

If the thought of slow dancing while everyone watches makes your skin crawl, just skip it! Or opt for a fun choreographed number with your wedding party, a dance circle, or no dancing at all.

5. BOOZE

You don’t have to serve alcohol to have a party. These days there are lots of fun teetotaler wedding options – consider custom mocktails, an espresso bar, Italian sodas, or kombucha. Just because you opt for dry, doesn’t mean you have to opt out of the fun.

5. The wedding party

Too many friends and family to choose from? Don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings? Consider that problem solved: No wedding party! You can still get ready and take photos with your friends and not have to be so formal about it. Also, let me remind you: Just because you were in their wedding party does not mean they have to be in yours.

6. Being “given away“

Walk yourself down the aisle. Walk together. Walk with your dog. The point is: you are not a possession and there’s no law that says anyone needs to “give you away”.

7. thank you speeches

If public speaking isn’t your jam, consider a video message, handwritten notes at each place setting, or just mingling personally during dinner.

8. personalized vows during your ceremony

If you love the idea of writing your own vows, but don’t want to share your intimate thoughts and promises with all your guests, consider setting 5-10 minutes aside after your first look to privately read your own vows to each other.

OK, but what about the traditions we do kinda like?

That’s the great thing about planning your wedding: you can do (or not do) anything you want! You can even remix traditions to create something that blends seamlessly with your own vibe.

  • Vows: Do them privately during your first look, instead of during the ceremony
  • Guestbook: Set up a voice memo station or an instax photo book for selfies and messages
  • Rings: Get tattoos, permanent jewelry, or exchange crystals.
  • Ceremony layout: Circular seating? Standing room only? Picnic-style? You get to choose what makes the most sense to you!

But what if my family complains?

A few tips for navigating pushback:

  • Lead with love, but hold your boundaries.
  • Focus on what you are including, not what you’re skipping.
  • Remind folks that weddings should reflect your relationship, not a Pinterest board from 2009.
  • Your people should want you to feel celebrated, not forced into awkward pageantry.

TLDR: Curate Your Own Damn Day


Modern couples aren’t “ruining” weddings—they’re reviving them. Stripping away the stale and replacing it with the meaningful. So no matter what your celebration looks like—micro, macro, glittery, quiet, chaotic—make sure it’s full of what you love. And if you want someone behind the camera who celebrates all the weird, wonderful, deeply-you moments? Hi. It’s me. Let’s make magic!